Life is unfair. Deal with it.

Life is not fair.

No one's going to answer your questions the way you want.

No one's going to give you any satisfactory justification.

Everyone else's reasons are more reasonable than yours.

People will move on quicker and more easily than you will.

It was yours and no one else's mistake if you were wrongly led into thinking, feeling or believing something that was never true.

Karma is a bitch for people who do bad. It is bitchier for those who do good.

People might not be selfish. They for sure are not selfless.

You will be used, misused and abused. Sometimes by people you least expected.

Platitudes sound great when you don't need them to be true. When you do, they turn out to be just words.

No one will choose a more difficult option for himself/herself, just for your sake, even if you did for him/her or are ready to.

At some point in time, every great, sweet and selfless thing you did for someone will become something that you did not need to do and something you did for yourself, in that same someone's opinion.

And no matter how evident it is, no one other than you would feel that life is being unfair to you.

So life is fucking unfair and you are all alone to deal with it. You better do it.

Fighting a losing battle

A long time ago I came across a question on Yahoo. It was “if you were fighting a losing battle, would you keep fighting?” The person who asked this question also mentioned that he wasn’t talking about a fight in literal terms but about, and I quote “fights like for your life, hea(l)th wise and all…” Most of the people answering on that forum assumed that maybe the Asker or someone he knows was suffering from a terminal disease so their answers were more compassionate and encouraging than practical. They all thought hanging in there and fighting till the end is the only way out rather than surrendering and waiting for the inevitable. I also thought the same, mostly because in that particular case whoever it was that was fighting that battle had no other choice. However, as I grew older, went to new places and met new people, I found that sometimes people keep on fighting a losing battle even though they can opt out of it. They know they have no chance, they know it’s going to end badly for them, they get opportunities to walk out of it while it is easier to do so, yet they chose to carry on and get hurt and aggrieved in the end. While mostly I laughed at them thinking they were weak morons who could not take stronger and harsher decisions when they had to, but sometimes I did wonder what made them ignore the inevitable or the obvious and carry on, specially because I knew that not all of those people were weak or morons. Some of them were really strong willed and smart. Well now I can say that I might have an idea as to why they did so (don’t ask me how, and what you are thinking might be true :P).

I guess the things that make people carry on towards a certain disaster most are the short lived joys and short term gains. Perhaps these joys make a person weak too. Flexible and easy work places make many people stick to their dead end jobs. Rare moments of closeness and intimacy make many people stick to their dead end relationships. These joys which are there up for grab right in front of you make you overlook the problems that you will face a month, or a year or a decade later. It becomes very easy to become a person who “lives in the moment” rather than one who wastes his present worrying about the future. In fact this exactly is the reason we give ourselves to carry on.

Second thing that drives people in their fight for the losing cause is hope. Remember what Red said to Andy, “Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.” Red was right, even though he was proved otherwise by Andy. Hope of things getting better. Hope of some miracle happening that will put everything into place. Hope that maybe if you would wish for it strong enough, fight for it hard enough, the whole universe will conspire in helping you get it. And to be fair to universe, it never does anything to inspire this hope in you. It’s your own imagination that sees signs that were never there and attribute them to the universe. “See, universe is giving me the signs, things will get better. I should continue on my path.” No you moron, that was not the sign, the sign was right behind it which screamed and shouted and begged you to see reality while there was still time. Alas, you chose to ignore it completely.

Sometimes though, there isn't really an option but to fight until you lose. You are ready to give up the small joys you get, you are aware enough to see the signs; still you have no way out. You think of ending it all the time, you think of making a new beginning and you make plans which are perfect in an ideal world but too bad you do not live in an ideal world. It’s like God telling you, “son you cannot escape this”. Well, jab bhagwan ji bol de you can’t escape then no point in trying to escape na. Waise bhi I have heard that God does not give you more than you can handle. So maybe we are underestimating ourselves and overestimating the future. Maybe it is not going to be as bad or painful as we foresee. Maybe all our little joys that we get will be worth that unavoidable distress at the end and the struggle to overcome it. 

Ok, now I think I am sounding like one of those weak morons. Maybe I am one because right now I am fighting a losing battle and there is nothing better than having a few muskals on your side in a fight. So I will go and lift some weights, you too forget this emotional ranting and do something useful.

I think we forget things if we have no one to tell them to

I had almost given up on seeing subtlety in mainstream Hindi movies. It seemed a mainstream Hindi movie for some unknown reason has to be loud, over the top and exaggerated. Then I saw Lunch Box. It’s been quite a while since I watched it but I have not stopped thinking about it. The characters, their conversations, their mannerisms and the things they said to each other keep coming back to me. One such thing which Saajan Fernandes says “I think we forget things if we have no one to tell them to”, completely swept me off my feet. This also happens to be the crux of the movie.

Yes the movie is about loneliness, but it is not depressing. How can a movie that turns a lunch box into a cupid making two lonely strangers fall in love with each other be depressing? A plot so poetically whimsical that probably even the master directors/producers of romantic fantasies would dismiss it at its outset (which is why I would like to thank Karan Johar for backing it). Yet the execution is so subtle and the characters are so ordinary and regular, that in spite of the plot, the movie oozes of documentary like realism. I won’t go too deep into the plot as there is nothing much in it and the trailers have already given it away. I also won’t go into the technical aspects of the movie like direction, screenplay, and cinematography etc because, well I don’t know much about them, which is why this is not a review of the movie. I, however, will go into the characters because more than the story or the screenplay, the characters fascinate me, whether it is a book or a movie or a TV series. Lunch box has just three main characters, Saajan Fernandes (Irrfan Khan), Ila (Nimrat Kaur) and Aslam Sheikh (Nawazuddin Siddiqui). It required no more.

These three characters are so ordinary and regular that the triviality of their lives scares you. Ila’s life is limited to her small flat, so small that you cringe a little when ever camera passes through her kitchen, bathroom or bedroom. Saajan’s life is limited to crammed local trains, buses and his office hall which is full of files and people but no cubicles, computers or coffee machines. Imagine thirty five years of this routine. It really hits you hard when he says that he “treated himself to an auto ride" from station to his home. Aslam, a rookie set to replace retiring Saajan, is so short of time and money that he spends his day on two bananas and cuts his vegetables in the train on his way home; yet he purchases a first class pass just so that he can spend more time with Saajan. But more than the ordinariness of their lives, it’s their loneliness and desperation to find a companion that hits you harder. Ila is good looking, young and in fine shape (she fits into her honeymoon suit even after all these years), but ignored by her husband who is either on phone or watching TV. This lack of attention pushes her towards Saajan, a much older man, who is ready to listen to all the things she has to say in her letters in spite of the fact that whatever she says has no connection to him. Saajan, a widower, who has not had an informal, meaningless conversation with anyone for years, starts with short and blunt letters, mostly telling her about her cooking.  However with time his letters get more evocative and he starts telling her things which he himself has forgotten over the years, because he's had no one to tell them to. Sheikh, an orphan, initially comes across as an obnoxiously annoying person who cares less for others’ mood or privacy. But slowly we warm up to him as we find out that his creepiness towards Saajan is nothing but a genuine attempt to have a friend, a mentor, a guardian, a “sarparast” in his life as he has spent all his life learning everything on his own. His jubilant reaction to Irrfan telling him that he has decided not to retire (which meant he would not be getting his post) was the highlight of the movie for me. It showed that for him relations, friends, people meant more than promotion or career. Every Hindi movie tries to stress upon this point with a loud, over expressive hero and his big entourage in long melodramatic scenes and still fails to convince me, but Lunch box convinced me in a short, 2 minute scene.

Other than these three there were also Deshpande aunty, Ila’s husband Rajiv and Ila’s mother. Deshpande aunty lives above Ila and we only get to hear her voice, probably symbolic of an angel or godmother to Ila which makes perfect sense as she is the only respite in Ila’s life. She not only supervises her cooking but also entertains her by playing songs. But more than that, both Despande aunty and Ila’s mother act as reality checks for Ila. Both of them spend their lives taking care of their old bed ridden husbands. This is nothing but a reflection of Ila’s possible future if she is to take her relationship with Saajan further than exchanging letters. Saajan, being more matured foresees this early but Ila only realizes this when her father dies and her mother tells her how she despised him during his last few years. Ila’s husband is necessary in the movie to understand Ila’s loneliness in spite of having a child and a husband. Not only is he indifferent (not uncaring though) towards Ila but is also having an affair, which Ila knows but can do nothing about. She herself says “unse bol k kaha jaungi”. One more tragedy of Indian housewives; sticking to their unfaithful husbands because they have no other option.

I cannot end this piece without saying a word or two about the sheer pleasure of watching two of the finest actors of this generation sharing screen. Both of them together in a scene and you don’t need words to get charmed. The quirkiness of their mannerisms and expressions tell a story more enchanting than an hour long monologue by our current stars and superstars. Irrfan has unanimously become the barometer for measuring acting skills but for me Nawazuddin takes the cake simply because his character gives him more things to play with, as opposed to Irrfan’s one dimensional character. His being an orphan and still saying “meri ammi hamesha kehti thi”, his self depreciation “height bhi kuch khaas nahi, kala kaluta bhi hu” and his optimistic road side philosophy “kabhi kabhi galat train bhi aadmi ko sahi jagah pahuncha det haii” give this movie a flavor that takes it from being a great movie to a great experience. I don’t judge people for their movie choices (ok I do :P) but if you don’t like this movie, you lack something as a human.

My Top 10 Teacher Movies

Last Wednesday was Teachers’ Day and almost everyone I know, took out some time out of their busy schedules to show their gratitude towards their teachers. I on the other hand, was busy doing things that I do every day and one of those things is to think about movies. It is not that I am completely ungrateful towards my teachers. I am as grateful towards my teachers (not all of them of course :D) as anyone can be and therefore as a tribute to my teachers, in fact to teachers all over the world, I comprised a list of my 10 most favorite movies in which the main protagonist is a teacher.Now I have not seen too many so I might miss a few, still I hope most of you approve my list :P

10) Remember the Titans: This movie is based on a true story of an Afro American Herman Boone (played by Denzel Washington) who is appointed as the head football coach of a school formed by the forced integration of two single raced schools. Boon faces a huge challenge in trying to make his black and white students stick together and play as a team. However, like all great teachers, he finds a common ground for his students, football, and uses their passion and love for the game as a tool to make them not only accept each other but also respect and love each other.

9) School of Rock: Story of a wannabe rock star Dewey Finn (Jack Black) faking as a substitute teacher in a private school. He discovers the music talent in his fifth graders and deceits them into participating in a rock competition in the name of a secret project. His cover is blown before the competition but by that time he has inspired those children enough to go ahead and participate in the competition against the wishes of their parents. This movie turns out to be a heartwarming comedy which also manages to convey a message on unconventional art education in schools.

 8) Dead Poets Society: John Keating (Robin Williams) returns to his elite school as an English teacher and sets out to break the strict education structure in place (SRK of Mohabbatein style). He is looked down upon by the traditionalists but he continues with his methods as he inspires students to think with creative freedom into a world of spellbinding poetry. Robin Williams delivers one of his greatest performances to date.

 7) To Sir With Love: Mark Thackeray (Sidney Poitier) is the quintessential inspirational teacher who plays the teacher in a school where the staff has given up on the rowdy, incorrigible students. Things start rough but once he throws out the textbooks and decides to teach the kids about life rather than square roots, he begins to win their trust and respect. The film deals with discrimination based on both race and economics. I bet many teachers from 80’s would tell you that this movie inspired them to become a teacher.

6) The Miracle Worker: This movie tells the story of Annie Sullivan (Anne Bancroft), a half blind woman, who tries to teach a young, deaf, mute and blind Helen Keller (Patty Duke). Yeah SLB’s Black was ripped off from this movie. Anyway, understandably the physical limitations of Hellen leave her too frustrated and violent to be handled even by her parents. However through sheer perseverance and stubbornness Annie manages to enter into Helen’s dark silent world and teaches her how to communicate. Both Anne Bancroft (Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role) and Patty Duke (Best Performance by a Female Actor in Supporting Role) won Oscars for their performances in this movie.

 

5) Freedom Writers: Based on a true story of Erin Gruwell (played by Hilary Swank), a high achiever who has never failed at anything in her life, going to a racially diverse but not well integrated school, to share her love of literature with a group of at-risk teenagers. Needless to say, they are not immediately receptive and this young idealist gets very frustrated. However she manages to break through with a comment about racism. From there, she starts to get places with them. Relating the Holocaust and its horrors to their everyday gang-ridden lives, she helps her students make connections. She gives them journals to write their stories and they begin to share their lives with her. The teenagers begin to find themselves while reading and writing and many of them end up becoming teachers themselves. Really powerful movie.

4) Half Nelson: Intense. Being an Indie drama this is darker than most of the regular teacher movies. Story of drug-addicted junior high school teacher Dan Dunne (Ryan Gosling) and his 13-year-old student Drey (Shareeka Epps) who is trying to escape her convict brother’s fate. After she catches him smoking crack, the two alternately try to save the other while their own lives spiral out of control. Not a regular feel good teacher movie but not a depressing movie either as it maintains a sense of hope throughout. Amazing performance by Ryan Gosling, best of 2006 in my opinion but sadly Academy thought otherwise (Forest Whitaker’s in Last King of Scotland).

3) Taare Zameen Par (Like Stars on Earth): I do not think anyone needs to be told about this movie. Story of an eight year old Ishaan Awasthi (Darsheel Safari) who is considered to be slow, lazy, dumb and stubborn by everyone until his teacher Ram Shankar Nikumbh (Aamir Khan) discovers both his real problem (dyslexia) and his real talent (painting). Awesome movie with a great message about how every child is special in his own way, one just needs to discover his specialty.

 

2) Good Will Hunting: The movie that made Matt Damon and Ben Affleck household names as it was written by these two main actors and they won an Oscar for same. This movie is not about a teacher who discovers some talent in his student and inspires him to excel. This movie is about Will Hunting (Matt Damon) a lonely genius who works as a caretaker at the university. He is fully aware of his brilliance but prefers to live a low rugged life with his friends rather than a superstar life that could easily come to him given his genius. Things change when a math professor Gerald Lambeau asks his psychologist friend Sean Maguire (Robin Williams) to convince Matt to not let his genius go wasted. Not to mention Sean has his own inner demons and Matt is too smart to not notice that. And thus a battle of will ensues resulting in some intense discussions between the two. Psychological insight and stellar acting make this an entertaining and passionate watch.

 

1) Entre Les Murs (The Class): Movie so devoid of clichés and so close to reality that it almost looks like a documentary. It spans through one full year of an inner city high school class supervised by François Marin (played by real life teacher and novelist François Bégaudeau). Movie is pretty much a collection of riveting discussions among students and teachers. We see how teachers aim towards a common goal of bringing the best out of their students but being different individuals have a different viewpoint on the process. However more than teachers’ discussions, I loved the verbal duels between Marin and his students. Unlike in Indian schools, students in west can talk back to their teachers which at time leaves teachers frustrated. Marin tries to get thorough his students (all aged 13-15), sometime successfully and sometimes failing terribly resulting in unwanted and unacceptable heated exchanges. However, just as it is with children, things always come back to normalcy after sometimes. Awesome and must watch.

Indians after Rape

Yet another gang rape. I am sure this is not the first one after the Delhi nightmare but it got people outraged once again. Not sure why though. Maybe because it happened in Mumbai, a city which took pride in being one of the safest cities for its women or maybe because this time the victim is a young journalist. Whatever be the reason, I am happy this time it is not the nauseating, stomach churning brutality of the tragedy that got people outraged after the Delhi gang rape. I always enjoy observing people’s reactions to a certain event. While in the aftermath of Delhi tragedy, I was more interested in observing the reactions of our leaders, both elected and self appointed (people who were forced to read my blog post because I spammed their Facebook newsfeed, would know what I am talking about), this time around I decided to observe how the aam janta reacts. Aam Indian janta comes in so many different shapes, sizes and mindsets that analyzing their perspectives makes you lose track of your own. However that risk is always worth taking and so I did. It was hard though. Categorizing reactions of people without getting judged was not easy. If I do a gender based analysis, I would be called a sexist. If I do a region based analysis, I would be called a regionalist. And if I do a religion based analysis? No. Hell No. So I chose the safest option, I analyzed how people from different age groups react to the incidents of rapes.

15 – 25 years old : This age group seems to be most outraged and frustrated of all. Outraged because, well they are young and almost everything makes them angry. Frustrated because they think they have a solution (apparently they have a solution to everything from corruption to crime to China), and it’s pretty simple and easy to execute but for some reason our political set up is not implementing it. So how do they take out their frustration? By having a black dot or any other symbol of protest as their Facebook/Twitter display picture, by sharing pictures of rapists getting punished in Saudi Arabia or Lebanon, by writing blogs (just as I am doing) about the sick patriarchy, incapable judiciary, inefficient police, impotent government and everything else they hold responsible for the tragedy. Basically by ranting on internet. However, this age group is honest in its reaction. As unreasonable as its outrage and frustration might be, it is not opportunistic or pretentious. As trivial and lackadaisical its effort might be, it’s honest and genuine.

25-65 years old : This is the age group which in reality has the power to change things. Our billionaires, our idolized sport stars, our corporate leaders, our beloved celebrities, our holy Godmen, our high profile activists and our political leaders, in short the people who actually run this country all fall under this age group. Unfortunately this is the age group in which a man gets selfish and gets occupied with acquiring means to give himself and his family a secured and better life and future. So everything a man does in this age group stinks of opportunism and selfishness. Therefore every reaction coming from this age group is well measured and accurately targeted towards a goal which is not what it should be, that is safety of women. Politicians indulge in blame game. Regional parties blame the influx of migrants, opposition blames the ruling party and ruling party just condemns the occurrence of the event and promises a quick and stern action. The celebrities fearing backlash, make sure their reactions are subtle, full of emotion and concern but lack sternness in their critique of political setup. Corporate is mostly indifferent as they have their own problems to tackle. Activists, backed by corporate which in turn is backed by political parties, do carry out dharnas and pradarshans but they are mostly politically motivated than anything else. And all this facilitated by media for which such tragedies are blessings in disguise as they get lots of material for carrying out debates, discussions and special stories. So we get to see, hear and read a lot about the reactions from this age group via media, but those reactions are neither honest nor genuine.

65 and above : This age group gives its reactions in one line. “Itni raat ko wo ghar se baahar nikli hi kyu”, “Wo us sunsan jagah gayi hi kyu”, “Aise kapde pehenengi toh ye hi hoga”, etc etc etc.         

“Jitna maara khaya, utna achcha kaama seekha”

“Sir ye toh old style hai”.

“Main bhi old hi hu yar”

I thought this would be enough to shut him up and make him do his work. I was so wrong. He suggested something else that I should let him do with my hair. This is one thing that annoys me a lot, barbers telling me what to with my hair when I have specifically told them the same already. He looked a nice chap so rather than being an ass and sternly asking him to do what he has been told, I decided to change the topic. I asked, “Kahi se training li hai kya baal kaatne ki?” Yeah I know, this was an ass of a question but thankfully the guy did not get the sarcasm behind it. I say thankfully because had he got it, I would have not heard a very interesting life story or got an insight into a very delightful and positive mindset.

So he started working as a sweeper in one of the barber shops at Charminar (I did not ask him about his family. I did not care. Actually at that point I did not care about anything he had to say. I was just happy he was not talking about my hair any more). All he had to do was getting rid of the hair lying on the floor. However even that was a challenge for him. He just did not know when to pick up the broom and when not. Well he was just 10. It was either “Abe dekh ni ra main baala kaat ra. Kaiku jhadu le k ghuse ja ra” or “abe kya howle k maafik baitha hai. Jhadu kya tera baap lagayenga”. 

“Toh jhadu laga laga kar hi baal kaatna seekh liya” I had not stopped being a moron yet. To be fair to me, it was Saturday afternoon, I had not slept the whole Friday night and spent my Saturday morning doing some hard labor, so was not in much of a jovial mood. Anyways, back to the story and how his life changed. Now this is a twist Abbas-Mustan would be proud of. One day a man, quite an influential guy in Charminar area (for not the brightest of reasons) and a regular customer, walked into his shop when all others had gone for lunch. He had come for a shave. He asked our hero to do it for him, who naturally hesitated. “Laafa khayega ki dadhi banayega”, the man politely asked, which left our hero with no other option but to do as told. He had just begun to apply cream on the man’s face that the owner came back from lunch. He offered to do it but the man wanted the boy to carry on. And as expected, our hero gave a nasty cut to the man right from his chin to his Adam’s apple (this is what he told me and considering the fact that he had a scissor in his one hand and my ear in his other, I thought it was wise not to contest this little detail in his story :D). The man did not shout or shriek, all he said was “abe chutiye aise chalate hai be kya ustara” (seemed to be a tough guy worthy of his reputation). However the owner reacted frantically and slapped our hero using every bit of energy he had just consumed during his lunch. “Sir wo laafa aaj bhi ni bhula main” sums up the slap. The owner then rushed to the man and did whatever he needed to do, which is not important. What is important is that once the man got his cut attended, he picked up the crying lad, asked him to sit beside him and ordered for tea and biscuits. “ab kaiku pottiyo ki maafik ro ra hai. Aaj se meri dadhi tu banayega.” And this is how our lad became a barber. 

Sahi hai, uske baad toh tu hero ban gaya hoga” I taunted him.  

"Kya hero sir, roz laafe padte the”.  Apparently it was just the beginning.

“Kaun maarta tha, maalik?”

“Wo bhi aur customera bhi. Waha yaha k maafik customera complain ni karta tha. Seedha laafe maarta tha” he told me how for every mistake of his, the shop owner would hit him with scissors on his knuckles.

“Abe toh bhaag jata. Kahi aur kaam kar leta” my expert suggestion, typical of an IT guy, when going gets tough, the tough takes a sick leave ;).

“Arre nahi sir, jitna maara khaya, utna achcha kaama seekha”.

This really hit me. Don’t know why. And I could make out it was not some philosophical crap he was throwing at me to sound intellectual (like all of us keep doing from time to time), he really meant it. I could make out that he was really happy to have worked there and to have experienced whatever he did. 

“Yaha ka kya scene hai?” I asked him. He told me this place was different. Here the customer would just complain and get his money back. 

“Toh matlab yaha aake kuch ni seekha, kyuki yaha toh kisi ne maara ni” after a moment of introspection, I was back to being a jerk.

“Sir yaha bhi seekha. Kuch customera bahut mach mach karta hai. Kaise bhi kaat lo, unko problem hi lagta hai. Unke baal kaatne me seekha”. He told me he would specifically go for difficult customers and take it as a challenge to satisfy them. This was another thing that hit me. In a cut throat world, where everyone is looking for short cuts and easy way outs, this guy was grinding it out the hard way. Honing his skills in whatever way he can. Not afraid to get punished or criticized in the process. I won’t say I learned a lot from him. I don’t think anything I heard that day is going to change me. I have my ways of doing things and I am beyond changing them. Also I am not sure how far that guy will go in his life or will he stay like this forever. I am just glad I had this conversation with him and thought it was worth sharing with you guys.

P.S: This all happened this last Saturday at Natural salon in Madhapur.